i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
