I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
