If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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