We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
