i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
