I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
