I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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