Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
