So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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