I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
