I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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