He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
