just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
