the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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