I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
