I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
