Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Randomize
