And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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