I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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