Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
