I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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