Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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