A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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