My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
