after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
