I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
