we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
