After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
