I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
