I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
