i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
