please come you make the beer taste better
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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