.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
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He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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