I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
