A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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