Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
