smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
