Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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