I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
