New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
