just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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