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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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