Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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