i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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