The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
