Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
