I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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