her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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