we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My pussy is not your playground.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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