So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
