I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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True strength comes from lack of pants
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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