seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
