She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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