Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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