But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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