How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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