i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wish there were birth control emojis
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
