did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
