I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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