He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
