I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
