sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
