I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
