i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
