I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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