All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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