tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
