her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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