Barsexuality is the new black.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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