Apparently you make a good broom.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
