kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
