Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.