Swine flu. Run for my life!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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