u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday