Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
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I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
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I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day