Texts From Last Night

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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What? You're not speaking real words.

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  (423): I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me (617): What? You're not speaking real words. http://tfl.nu/o2go
  Replies (30) Good night (954) Bad night (2645)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit

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  (551): the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit http://tfl.nu/ma7y
  Replies (45) Good night (9069) Bad night (841)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?

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  (973): I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night? http://tfl.nu/cbpu
  Replies (8) Good night (6735) Bad night (931)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.

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  (908): At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well. http://tfl.nu/xx0y
  Replies (2) Good night (713) Bad night (1325)
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  (585): View more from New York

  He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.

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  (585): He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working. http://tfl.nu/9caj
  Replies (8) Good night (4527) Bad night (670)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"

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  (847): Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!" http://tfl.nu/mldx
  Replies (5) Good night (2367) Bad night (515)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.

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  (413): I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now. http://tfl.nu/ohjj
  Replies (2) Good night (518) Bad night (933)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.

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  (202): You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself. http://tfl.nu/1zzq
  Replies (11) Good night (553) Bad night (1666)
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  (916): View more from California

  I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake

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  (916): I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake http://tfl.nu/x3na
  Replies (3) Good night (1164) Bad night (289)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.

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  (203): In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window. http://tfl.nu/vk8f
  Replies (6) Good night (485) Bad night (1058)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.

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  (785): I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves. http://tfl.nu/0ncq
  Replies (1) Good night (444) Bad night (255)
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  (+34): View more from Spain

  Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.

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  (+34): Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting. http://tfl.nu/s4tk
  Replies (1) Good night (439) Bad night (191)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me

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  (816): Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me http://tfl.nu/m080
  Replies (7) Good night (584) Bad night (289)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever

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  (416): Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever http://tfl.nu/xryc
  Replies (4) Good night (611) Bad night (222)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.

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  (708): Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry. http://tfl.nu/gvhn
  Replies (0) Good night (489) Bad night (148)

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