I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
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You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash