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I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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