Texts From Last Night

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.

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  (828): Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end. http://tfl.nu/rcny
  Replies (27) Good night (2696) Bad night (5170)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."

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  (318): He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later." http://tfl.nu/4lz3
  Replies (14) Good night (2570) Bad night (3922)
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  (661): View more from California

  I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it

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  (661): I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it http://tfl.nu/bivl
  Replies (15) Good night (1356) Bad night (6862)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.

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  (317): He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/3k3l
  Replies (8) Good night (965) Bad night (3777)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.

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  (519): Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this. http://tfl.nu/msry
  Replies (35) Good night (1375) Bad night (3765)
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  (718): View more from New York

  The gym has a pool

  (914): View more from New York

  my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"

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  (718): The gym has a pool (914): my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high" http://tfl.nu/pnez
  Replies (4) Good night (3344) Bad night (1050)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"

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  (641): But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen" http://tfl.nu/78x7
  Replies (7) Good night (1214) Bad night (1113)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge

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  (774): I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge http://tfl.nu/5u98
  Replies (6) Good night (1277) Bad night (610)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.

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  (812): the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica. http://tfl.nu/fg5p
  Replies (4) Good night (1006) Bad night (536)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.

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  (973): You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him. http://tfl.nu/xmf9
  Replies (4) Good night (735) Bad night (433)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering

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  (207): Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering http://tfl.nu/ixi4
  Replies (1) Good night (813) Bad night (393)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.

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  (407): I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic. http://tfl.nu/0g5m
  Replies (1) Good night (661) Bad night (283)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?

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  (513): It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life? http://tfl.nu/tlmc
  Replies (5) Good night (866) Bad night (319)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends

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  (224): You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends http://tfl.nu/iklz
  Replies (1) Good night (388) Bad night (310)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.

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  (410): He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome. http://tfl.nu/ga5n
  Replies (2) Good night (181) Bad night (309)

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