No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.