I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
